The Same Thing Over and Over: Fifty Shades Freed

By Christopher Spencer Directed by James Foley, Fifty Shades Freed stars Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson, Rita Ora, and Marcia Gay Harden. Anastasia Steele (Johnson) and Christian Grey (Dornan) have married, and are setting to start a real life with each other. But unresolved demons, as well as a vengeful Jacky Hyde (Johnson), threaten their newfound love. If you know me well, you know how passionately I have hated the first two Fifty Shades films, particularly the utter failure of production that was last year’s Fifty Shades Darker. The same is no different for Fifty Shades Freed, though it isn’t as offensively bad as Darker. The only positives that struck me were that Dakota Johnson is trying a lot harder here than before. Her portrayal of Anastasia is a bit more layered (now there’s two or three, instead of the one flat nothing) and she gets her turn of objectifying Christian, as opposed to the other way around. And there are one or two funny moments, just like the first Fifty Shades of Grey. But that’s it. It still looks the same as the first two so no praise there, the soundtrack is just as in-your-face and commercial, and the side characters are just as forgettable and meaningless. And once again, all the flaws of Darker come back for Freed, like a lack of plot, bizarre writing, soap opera twists, and simply annoying sex scenes. I’ve essentially run out of things to criticise these movies for because it’s just been the same thing over and over again for the last three bloody years. It’s close to the Transformers franchise, except these movies have one wonderful advantage: they’re finally over. The safe world has been screamed by those out there with a brain and the painful ordeal is over. If you’re a fan of this franchise (first: we need to talk), then Fifty Shades Freed will give you everything you want: bad sex, melodrama, pointless characters, awful dialogue, and rich-people porn. Fifty Shades Freed dies a slow death like Twilight and Pitch Perfect, with a cliché pregnancy, pointless villain, and one final brain-battering montage of the whole franchise that further emphasises the point: you have wasted your time.  

1

/10

REVIEW: Fifty Shades Freed

Directed by James Foley

Overall Score
1

By Christopher Spencer

Directed by James Foley, Fifty Shades Freed stars Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson, Rita Ora, and Marcia Gay Harden. Anastasia Steele (Johnson) and Christian Grey (Dornan) have married, and are setting to start a real life with each other. But unresolved demons, as well as a vengeful Jacky Hyde (Johnson), threaten their newfound love.

If you know me well, you know how passionately I have hated the first two Fifty Shades films, particularly the utter failure of production that was last year’s Fifty Shades Darker. The same is no different for Fifty Shades Freed, though it isn’t as offensively bad as Darker.

The only positives that struck me were that Dakota Johnson is trying a lot harder here than before. Her portrayal of Anastasia is a bit more layered (now there’s two or three, instead of the one flat nothing) and she gets her turn of objectifying Christian, as opposed to the other way around. And there are one or two funny moments, just like the first Fifty Shades of Grey. But that’s it.

It still looks the same as the first two so no praise there, the soundtrack is just as in-your-face and commercial, and the side characters are just as forgettable and meaningless. And once again, all the flaws of Darker come back for Freed, like a lack of plot, bizarre writing, soap opera twists, and simply annoying sex scenes.

I’ve essentially run out of things to criticise these movies for because it’s just been the same thing over and over again for the last three bloody years. It’s close to the Transformers franchise, except these movies have one wonderful advantage: they’re finally over. The safe world has been screamed by those out there with a brain and the painful ordeal is over.

If you’re a fan of this franchise (first: we need to talk), then Fifty Shades Freed will give you everything you want: bad sex, melodrama, pointless characters, awful dialogue, and rich-people porn. Fifty Shades Freed dies a slow death like Twilight and Pitch Perfect, with a cliché pregnancy, pointless villain, and one final brain-battering montage of the whole franchise that further emphasises the point: you have wasted your time.

 

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