Shitty Ways to deal with stress

July 19, 2017
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By Tristan Sherlock

Art by Shona Wong @somechuppy

We all experience stress, at least that’s what my psychology book from year 11 taught me – who knows though, I failed that class. But the real question: how does one deal with stress? We all have our ways. Some (mine) are much better than others. So if you want to nd out my shitty amazing ways to deal with stress, keep reading! You should try them out!

1.Eat 

Everyone loves food, right? And what’s stressful about love … In saying that I don’t feel love so … yeah

2.Sleep

I lied, I do love — sleep that is. Sleep is good. Also, no stress for 3-24 hours (Sleeping hours will vary from person to person).

3. Rave

Is this copyright infringement? Eh … My editor can deal with this.

4. Repeat

4. Pass your stress onto others

It’s ensured that you will no longer have to deal with that stress. (Disclaimer: They must accept the stress in order for you to be rid of the stress.)

5. Bathe

Get some bath bombs from anywhere but Lush (don’t go there they didn’t hire me that one time) and stay in that bath until your ngers make my grandmother look young again.

6. Drop out of uni

Look, you’re tempted, I know. So, channel your inner Shia LeBouf (1: can you believe it’s almost a year old now? 2: I need to step up my meme game) and just do it.

7.Quit your job

Again, I know you’re tempted. Take a strike against capitalism today, all for the easy price of one Letter of Resignation.

8. Start looking for another job

It’s distracting?

9. Become a hermit

No social interactions. Check. No laws. Check. Can do whatever you want, when you want. Check. The best way to not have to stress. Check.

10. Spend 10 years learning martial arts

It worked for Batman.

11. Become a super hero

Who doesn’t want to be a super hero?

12. Become a super villan

Who doesn’t want to be a super villain?

13. Waste the money you don’t have because you’ve obviously listened to my advice.

Retail Therapy. It works for me. It may work for you.

14. Procrastination

Do anything but the work you need to do; save your stress for another day.

The ShittyTM Series is brought to you by actress, songstress, comedian, poet, writer and glamazon Tristan Sherlock.

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