By Tristan Sherlock
Job interviews are hard, scary and … honestly, I could go on forever about how much they suck. There’s a lot that goes into job interviews. Like a lot. Too much if you ask me. When prepping for a job interview you get told time and time again, by friend, family and everyone ever, what you should do in an interview. And I’m going to add onto that list for you. So here I am, back with another list of shitty things.
So, without further ado, here’s what you could do in a job interview but probably shouldn’t (I apologise in advance for specifying that you ‘probably shouldn’t despite the fact this is clearly satirical. Some people however, don’t get humour):
- Say ‘yo’ when you enter the interview room.
Let’s be serious, how quickly would your friends block you if you said ‘yo’ to them? Pretty quickly right? Good thing you’re not trying to make friends with the interviewer.
- Throw a punch
Personally, I just want you to. But, also, violence is the answer.
If it’s a one-on-one interview the interviewer is going to know it was you, so it’s best you don’t. However, if it’s a group interview you’re good to go. It’ll be your competitor’s downfall.
Whip this one out when they ask what your weaknesses are. And that becomes your weakness, you cry a lot. Then stop it and voila!! You have overcome your weakness! (Side note: this probably won’t work)
- File for divorce
Honestly, what better time to do so.
- Reveal your butt tattoo
Especially if it’s of a duck. Ducks are cool.
- Reveal your plans for world domination
The bastards will steal them but you’ll prove that you’re smart. Might just get a business partner too.
- Talk to yourself
This’ll ensure your interviewers that you’re an excellent communicator.
- Wear underwear
Just underwear. Nothing else. Enough said.
- Disobey the dress code
Show them who you really are, in your stain ridden, beer and sweat smelling trackies.
- Talk about your last breakup
This’ll show you have a heart. Who cares that you completely failed to answer the question the asked?
- And now to wrap this all up, here’s a list of questions you should (for those who don’t get humour: don’t do this) ask in your interview:
Did your wife get home alright last night? She hasn’t texted me back.
DC or Marvel?
Riverdale was such a good TV show wasn’t it? (spoiler: it wasn’t)
Are The Chainsmokers your favourite band also?