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Shitty Advice for Freshers

March 8, 2017
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By Tristan Sherlock 

Stepping into a new chapter of your life can be a difficult challenge for anyone. Just going from High School to University or even, for the more mature aged students, starting university in general can be quite challenging So, in order to help reduce stress, and confusion about life on campus, I’ve decided to give a bunch of advice I think you’ll find very useful:

-Do online courses

This way you’ll actually do the work. Everyone gets work done when they do it online. And on another note: you can’t skip classes if you don’t have any.

-Enrol in 8:30 classes

What better way to learn to love your own university than waking up early, probably arriving late, and being grumpy than an early morning class? Morning classes are the best way to make new friends, and waste your money, because you won’t be learning that early in the morning, in a room that smells of coffee. 10 out of 10, highly recommend.

-Don’t drink coffee

You’re not going to need it.

-Hang out with WAAPA students (Especially the Actors)

WAAPA students are the best. Such great conversationalists. Not pretentious at all.

-Yell at your lecturers

They love that. Disrespect is the way to go.

-Join a group that harasses people with flyers everyday

You make like-minded friends through being annoying and taking up everyone’s time.

-Don’t get your student card

You don’t need it. I’ve never used mine. Except like maybe exams, and when I’m on campus late and security needs proof that I’m a student – but those aren’t important.

-Skip exams

Who needs to be tested anyway? Fuck the system!

-Hand in your assignments late

They won’t notice, it isn’t like they have a program that does it for them.

-Be that one person in every unit that thinks they know more than the person who runs the unit.

They’re like the best people out. Everyone loves them. Everyone. A superiority complex is the real key to a great friendship.

-Ignore the unit plan

There is never anything important in these. Not assignments and dates, not the rules, not when you do and don’t have class. Nothing. Important. At. All.

-Don’t use blackboard

Who uses Blackboard? What is blackboard? There is definitely not extra information, discussion boards or assignment links on Blackboard. So don’t even bother using it.

-Skip your lectures and use the much less detailed slideshows

Lectures are so boring, and honestly it’s not like the lecturer gives you more information, like maybe hinting at what will be in the exam. You won’t be confused either so there is no need to ask questions.

-Get a full-time job

Sleep is for the weak. Work full time and study full time and you’re sure to have an amazing experience and gets all those High Distinctions.

-Wear your year 12 leavers jacket

Trust me, you’ll look so cool

*follow this ‘advice’ at your own risk*

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